Sunday, September 18, 2005

Unnatural disasters

From the always funny Borowitz Report:


Will Be ‘Catastrophic Success,’ Says President

In a nationally televised address last night, President George W. Bush said that Hurricane Katrina had taken him by surprise but promised the American people, “As long as I sit in this chair, all future catastrophes will be planned by me.”

Attempting to reassure the country that he had a firm hand on the ship of state, the president said, “If there is going to be a tremendous disaster that impacts thousands or millions of American lives, then it is going to happen on my schedule and on my terms.”

The next catastrophe to happen on his schedule very well could be vouchers. Newspapers in all parts of the country are covering how they're pushing vouchers like crazy right now. It's a new disaster in the making-- a very unnatural disaster.

Which leads to another Borowitz story:


Cost of Damage Estimated In The Zillions

Four and a half years after he was first sworn in as president, experts in the field of disaster assessment today called the presidency of George W. Bush the worst disaster in the history of the United States of America.

The sober assessment came from the University of Minnesota’s Enormous Disaster Institute, which studies and attempts to quantify colossal disasters, both natural and manmade.

Dr. Lorraine Cresser, who heads the Institute, said that the University of Minnesota experts decided to place the current administration at the top of the nation’s list of huge disasters after assessing the damage the White House has caused over the past four and a half years, both at home and abroad.

“After taking a good look at the wreckage the Bush presidency has created, we would estimate the cost of the damage at somewhere in the mid to high zillions,” Dr. Cresser said.

How many education dollars will be added to the zillions...?


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