Are we preparing our dropouts for unemployment?

I hadn't checked out the Onion in a few months and I was pleased to see they've added an education section to their site. The "new" story is 6 weeks old but it was new to me and it's hilarious:

Report: Our High Schools May Not Adequately Prepare Dropouts For Unemployment

August 3, 2005 | Issue 41•31

WASHINGTON, DC—A Department of Labor report released Monday finds that America's high schools are not sufficiently preparing emerging dropouts for the demands of unemployment.

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Future jobless Americans between classes at Oakes High School.

In a letter introducing the report, Labor Secretary Elaine Chao explained that schools routinely fail to impart dropouts with the critical lying- and sitting-around skills they need to thrive in today's jobless market.

"Our public high schools place too much focus on preparing kids for professional careers," Chao said. "This waste of resources leaves our dropouts, the majority of whom have no chance of ever finding a job, wholly unprepared to sleep till 1 p.m., or watch daytime television while eating ramen noodles out of an upturned Frisbee."